Not so Silent Night
by RaspberryBloodTablets
Summary: Extremely AU Holiday fic! Yuuki and Zero living on their own and engaged. What will happen when they spend Christmas at the Academy? Possible crackfic, slight Zeki, but mostly just random stupidity. Set two years after CH.46. -Now complete-
1. Family Gathering

Hi, I'm back! This time with a... um... I don't know if you can really call this a crackfic or what.

My friends and I started it after consuming large amounts of sugary food, and having a severe lack of sleep... so the first chapter probably won't be that funny. In fact its probably just weird. but i hope you enjoy it anyways!

P.S.: This takes place **two years after chapter 46** , and has absolutely nothing to do with my other story _Vampire Princess_. Iri isn't in this at all (so she is very lucky). And as I said before, **this takes place _two years after chapter 46_ and it is absolutely _full_ of _MAJOR SPOILERS!!!_ So stop right now if you don't want the whole thing to be spoiled!!!**

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Knight, and I bet Kaien Cross is pretty darn happy that I don't.

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Not-so-Silent Night: A Vampire Knight Crackfic-

Chapter 1- Family Gathering:

Yuuki Kuran walked up to her fiancee Zero Kiryu with a wide smile on her face, holding a letter in her hand.

"Guess what!?"

"What?" asked Zero, who still seemed to be getting used to the fact that Yuuki was a vampire.

"The Headmaster and Kaname have invited us to the academy for the Christmas holidays!!!" She said.

"That's... great." he tried to sound enthusiastic. Even though he couldn't stand Kaname. And sometimes he couldn't stand the Headmaster.

"Good, because if we want to get there on time, we have to leave tomorrow!"

Honestly, Zero was sure that they didn't live _that _far away. Just far enough away that they didn't see each other too often.

"Hey, why do you look so upset?" Yuuki asked.

"Wait..." she said, "you don't want to go, do you?"

Tears welled up in her eyes.

"No its not that, I just--"

But it was too late, Yuuki had run out of the room crying.

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Yuuki and Zero walked up the snowy pathway to the academy. Being vampires, they were fast enough that they had ran most of the way, but couldn't use their vampiric speed near the school incase the Day Class saw them.

They walked towards the Headmasters living area, and as soon as they approached the door, the first thing they heard was... someone singing a loud off-key version of

"Silent Night".

They both recognized _that_ voice. Zero's eye started twitching. Why did the Headmaster always have to sing?

After all, he sounded like a monkey being strangled. A very feminine monkey...

In fact Zero considered running away right then. But Yuuki had a death-grip on his arm.

She knocked on the door, and it was opened by... _Kaname_.

"Yuuki!" Kaname exclaimed, hugging her... and completely ignoring Zero.

"Oh, and just so you know, Yuuki, I'm refusing to speak to Kiryu after he threatened you and cut off my hand."

She looked skeptical.

"But you won't try to kill him... _right..._?"

Kaname smiled at her.

"Not this time, but i still can't believe that you forgive that half-breeded little bas-"

"Nii-sama, stop it!" Yuuki interrupted him.

He didn't want to talk? Fine, Zero could play at that game too.

"Zero glared at Kaname, and without even thinking about what he was saying, said to Yuuki,

"Well why don't you tell your 'Nii-sama' that even if I'm a half-breed, at least I'm not inbred!"

Yuuki's face paled, then she randomly screamed, started crying, and ran from the room.

"I'll kill him!" Kaname yelled, lunging for Zero's throat.

"Stop! I know what's wrong with her!!!" said the Headmaster

*Long silence, crickets chirping*

"Well, what is it!?" Zero and Kaname asked in unison.

But the Headmaster just pulled off his clothes to reveal a Mary Poppins costume, and jumped out the window into a snowbank.

And they could faintly hear him singing as he walked away,

"Siiillleennntttt niiigghtttt, hooollllyyyyy niiigghhtttt..."

END/CH.1

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A/N: Sorry for the super short chapter, and really sorry if it sucks.

Also, the opinions of characters expressed in this fic aren't always my real opinions of the characters!!!

So don't kill me if I pick on someone you like!!!

So, if you love Kaname, or the Headmaster, please don't hit me!!!

**Preview of the next chapter:**

_"So is he done making out with himself in the mirror...?"_

_"Don't be so silly! He was just making sure the mirror still works!"  
_


	2. Kaname's Vanity

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Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Knight or any of it's characters, they belong to Matsuri Hino. And I'm pretty sure she would be upset with the way I am making her characters act.

Warnings:SPOILERS up to CH.46. Lots of making fun of Kaname! Kaname fans don't kill me!!!

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Chapter 2 - Kaname's Vanity:

Kaname Kuran walked dow the hallway thinking about Yuuki's troubles, but then, he passed a mirror and temporarily forgot about everything, completely focused on checking himself out. Because secretly, Kaname thinks that he is the best looking guy in the world.

"If I were a girl, I would _so_ date me..." he muttered to himself, winking at his reflection and striking a pose.

"Umm... What are you doing Nii-sama...?"

"I-I was... making sure that the mirror still work.." he lied.

"Oh... Okay!!!" She said, and smiled. At least she wasn't depressed anymore.

Zero walked in then

"So," he said "are you done making out with yourself in the mirror, Kaname?"

Yuuki scowled at him and said,

"Zero, don't be so mean, Nii-sama is just making sure that the mirrors work!"

Zero shook his head sadly, at how easily Yuuki had belived what Kaname had told her.

Thai was going to be a _long_ holiday...

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Sorry for the super short chapter, but I'm parody challenged.

I may take a break from this story to write other ideas I have, but if for some strange reason you like this, I will update again sometime.

Just probabally not any time soon.


	3. Dinner Announcement and The Hair Song

Disclaimer: I don't own VK or any of it's characters, they all belong to Matsuri Hino. I also don't own the Hair Song.

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Chapter 3 - Dinner Announcement:

Later, the Headmaster, Kaname, Zero, and Yuuki were all eating dinner.

Yuuki looked very hungry, but as soon as she took a bite of her food, she proceeded to soit it out.

"Ewww..." said the Headmaster, then he started singing Scotty Vanity's "Hair Song".

Wow, that was... uncalled for.

Suddenly Yuuki burst out crying again.

"Come, come now, my singing isn't _that_ bad!!!" said the Headmaster.

"It's not that..." Yuuki replied.

"Then why do you keep crying?" Zero asked.

"I...I'm _pregnant!!!_" Yuuki yelled, and ran out of the room.

Zero stared straight ahead in pure shock, and Kaname's eye started twitching.

Then the Headmaster started again,

_"'Hey there! I like your hair! Who does your hair!? I gotta go there! Pashaw!!!'"_

Kaname's eye started twitching _more._

END/CH.6

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Dun-duh-duuuhhhhh!!!

Were you expecting her to be pregnant? Did you expect the Headmaster to know the hair song?

I bet not!!!

P.S. I don't really have a lot of ideas for this fic, so if there's anything you want to see, don't hesitate to tell me!!!

Thank you very much for reading, and thank you to everyone who reviewed!!!

-Zeki4Ever


	4. How?

BTW, bitter almonds is the taste of cyanide (spelling?), a poisonous chemical.

Disclaimer: I don't own VK or it's characters. And I still don't own the hair song.

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Chapter 4- How?:

Zero walked down the hallway, and knocked on the door of Yuuki's room.

"Come in..." she said quietly.

Zero opened the door and asked the first question that entered his mind, because as far as he knew, they hadn't taken their relationship to _that_ step yet,

"When did this happen...?" he asked her.

"Well, do you remember when Nii-sama gave you that funny tasting drink at the Headmaster's birthday party?" she asked him in return.

"You mean the one that tasted faintly of bitter almonds...?" he asked, confused.

"No, the one called a... '_margaret_'...?"

"You mean a 'margarita'...?"

"Yeah, I think so." she said.

"Oh."

_-flashback-_

_Yuuki payed the cab driver and began to drag Zero up the driveway to his house._

_His head was resting on her shoulder, and she had her arm around his waist, trying to hold him up._

_"Yuuki, you smell good..." he mumbled, slurring his words._

_"Zero, your _really_ drunk." she told him, since he didn't seem to realize it._

_"No I'm not..." he slurred._

_She took the key from under the mat outside the front door, and unlocked it._

_They went inside._

_She pulled Zero to his bedroom, and before she could tell him to go to sleep, he was kissing her._

_He pushed her backward onto the bed and... well I don't really need to explain the rest..._

_-end flashback-_

"Oh." he said again. At least he was the father.

And suddenly they heard the Headmaster walking down the hall singing,

"_Hey There! Who does you hair!? I gotta go there..."_

Meanwhile, Kaname was still sitting at the dinner table, his eye twitching...

END/CH.4

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This chapter was mostly by my friend Sammy, so she gets credit for it. Thanks.

And by the way I'm still taking suggestions for future chapters.

Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed!!!


	5. Popsicles

Sorry it took me so long to update, but I'm trying to focus on my fic "New Future". And you know... school.

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Knight, and I am not associated with the Pussycat Dolls or any of their songs.

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Chapter 5- Popsicles:

The next day at breakfast, Yuuki was having major issues.

She was poking at her pancakes, looking like she was either going to burst into tears or throw up. Again.

Kaname was, well, he was busy staring into his spoon and checking himself out. Again.

And the Headmaster was on his laptop looking up more random songs to sing. Again.

Woah, Deja Vu.

In the middle of all this Zero felt sort of out of place.

Suddenly, Aido walked in.

"Hey, Merry almost Christmas!" he said.

"Aido-senpai!!!" Yuuki shouted, dropping her fork, and scaring the crap out of the Headmaster, who was transfixed reading song lyrics.

Kaname never stopped checking himself out.

"Oh, hey Yuuki." Aido said, laughing nervously. He'd heard from Kain that Yuuki was pregnant... and quite possibly insane.

"Aido-senpai, I have a favor to ask you." said Yuuki.

"No." Aido said quickly, hoping Kaname wouldn't bish slap him.

Kaname was _still_ too busy checking himself out.

Suddenly, Yuuki looked quite evil.

"Fine then, I _command _you to go buy me a cherry Popsicle!" she shouted.

Because Yuuki was a Pureblood, Aido had to obey so her left.

I guess at that point, the Headmaster had found a song, and burst out singing:

"_When I grow up, I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star, I wanna be in movies! When I grow up..."_

Suddenly Kaname snapped out of his I'm-so-hot mode and ran out of the room screaming,

"Not the Pussycat Dolls! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"

Just then Aido came back with Yuuki's cherry Popsicle and said,

"Here you go."

Yuuki sniffed it, then told Aido:

"This is gross. I want a BLTPC."

"A what?" Zer, the Headmaster and Aido all asked an once.

"A bacon, lettuce, tomato, pickle and chocolate sandwich."

"Ew." said the Headmaster.

END/CH.5

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Randomness.


	6. JAWS

New chapter! Sorry for not updating my other fic, "New Future" but lately this is the only story I can think of any ideas for. Also, looking back, I see that there are some spelling errors with this story, and I will fix them if I can ever figure out how. So sorry for the messy writhing, but maybe it's just because I don't have to be serious here like I did with "Vampire Princess". Maybe that's why I like "New Future so much, because it has just the right mix of comedy and serious stuff like romance (soon) and tradgedy. Anyhow, on with the chapter, and thank you to everyone who reviewed, and that you to **IheartEdwardCullen1901** who created the BLTPC. Which is now Yuuki's official pregnancyn sandwich as well as Claireese's. Oh yeah, and I don't own VK.

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Chapter 6- JAWS:

So after Yuuki commanding him to, Aido went to get Yuuki a BLTPC. Ew.

But this time she said,

"Let me come with you so you get it right this time. So they walked outside, and the first thing they saw was Yagari Toga eating a cherry Popsicle.

Suddenly, Yuuki's eyes grew very wide, and the music from "Jaws" started playing.

She then proceeded to jump on Yagari and start tearing him to shreds.

"I want that Popsicle!!!" she cried.

Meanwhile, inside the building, the Headmaster looked out his window... and saw the scene unfolding.

"Zero!" he shouted, "you have to do something, or Yuuki will kill my Fuzzy-bunny-kins!!!"

"Okay I'll- wait, your what?!" Zero stopped in his tracks as he walked toward the door and turned around to face the Headmaster.

"Well," said the Headmaster, blushing, "it's a nickname I made up for him last week while we were-"

"Never mind... I don't want to know." said Zero, shuddering.

So Zero went outside and was trying to pry Yuuki off of Yagari before he was killed.

It worked. Eventually.

Once Yuuki stood up and waited while the half-dead Yagai brushed himself off, she started laughing hysterically.

"Whats so funny?!" asked Yagari angrily.

"Y-you have a-- ha ha-- an eye patch and- and a cowboy hat!!" Yuuki exclaimed through her fit of giggling.

"So?!" he asked her. He was really ticked off now.

"So that means you're-- _you're_..."

"SPIT IT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yagari yelled at the top of his lungs.

"You're Giddy-up-Captain-Jack!!!"

The Headmaster (who randomly appeared outside) giggled and said,

"That's even better than Fuzz-bunny-kins!!!!!"

And by this time, the Popsicle had somehow melted in the snow...

END/CH.6

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So, how was it?

Please review and tell me what you think, and thanks for reading!

-Zeki4Ever


	7. The Legend of Kain

Sorry if this is kinda stupid, but I was severely sleep deprived while I was writing this. You sort-of might not find it that funny if you don't know Zelda. Anyway, this chapter is for Dev, 'cause she loves "The Adventures of Link/Mopi/Moi" (don't ask) so much. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Knight or The Legend of Zelda. The owners are probably really glad I don't.

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Chapter 7- The Legend of Kain:

It was only four days until Christmas now, and Yuuki was running around the academy like a little kid hanging up decorations.

She even went to everyone's room. But when she burst into Kain's room, she saw...

Kain sitting cross legged on the floor in front of a TV with a video game controller in his hand. But that wasn't the weird part... he was also wearing a green tunic and matching floppy elf-like hat.

Yuuki grinned.

"Kain-senpai! you're in the holiday spirit too, you even dressed like one of Santa's elves!!!"

"I- um, I, uh yeah... that's it." he stammered.

"What are you doing?" asked Yuuki.

"Playing a video game..." Kain replied.

"What game?"

"The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker." he replied.

Yuuki watched the cartoon-ey little character run around the screen for a bit, the asked Kain,

"Um... can I play?"

"Sure." he replied handing her the controller.

**(**_**Six hours later**_**)**

Yuuki was really into playing the game.

"Um, Yuuki... maybe you should go back to the Headmaster and Zero and Kaname now. It's two in the morning."

"Sure..." she mumbled not really paying attention.

But by this time, Kaname had already gone looking for her.

He was walking by Akatsuki Kain's door, when suddenly he hear...Yuuki?!

"Ah- Yes!!! Look Kain-senpai, I did it!!!"

_WTF?_ wondered Kaname.

"Yuuki be careful... You might hurt yourself." Kaname head Kain say.

"But this is so much fun!" Yuuki cried, then started giggling.

By this time Kaname was about ready to kill Kain, so he broke down the door to see them in the act of... playing video games...?

"Kaname-sama!" said Kain, sitting up straighter. And, so, Kaname asked the first question that came to his mind.

"Kain, why are you dressed like a elf?"

END/CH.7

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Sorry if that was dumb, but again, I'm parody challenged. Thank you very much for readning and please review if this story is worth continuing.

-Zeki4Ever


	8. Christmas

Wow, last chapter already! This was random and fun to write. :) Please let me know what you think of the end... I'm worried it was kind of stupid.

Disclaimer: I do not in any way own VK or any of it's characters, they all belong to Matsuri Hino.

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Chapter 8- Christmas:

It was Christmas eve.

_Thank god,it's almost over!_ thought Zero.

It was true, he and Yuuki were leaving on boxing day.

"You can say that again." said Yagari Toga.

"WTF? I didn't _say_ anything. I just thought that." Zero replied.

"Yeah... well, you're mean!!!" yelled Yagari then ran away crying and mumbling "Idiot apprentice".

Then the Headmaster ran in.

"Siiiilllllllllleeennnnttttttttttttt niggghhhttttttttttttttttttttttttttt, hoooooooooollllllllyyy niiiiiiiggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Will you shut up already?!" screamed Zero, who was sure he would go mad after another second in this place.

The Headmaster started crying as well, and left the room.

"The next person who isn't Yuuki that starts crying, I'm going to knock your teeth or fangs out. Whichever you have." threatened Zero, glaring at Kaname.

"You really shouldn't be so rude." said Kaname.

Zero was tired of Kaname talking to him, so he grabbed a mirror off of a nearby table and handed it to Kaname.

_That _should keep him busy for a while...

Meanwhile, Yuuki had been terrorizing everyone, and stealing their food. Yeah that was fun. At this very moment she was attacking Yagari again, trying to steal his sandwich.

Pregnancy made purebloods (or maybe it was just Yuuki...) act like total weirdos.

(The next morning)

It was Christmas morning, and everyone was laughing, and opening presents.

When Zero opened a box that said _To: Zero, W/ Love From: Yuuki_ on the tag, he saw that it's only contents was a piece of paper that said:

"ASK ME."

"Yuuki, what is this...?" asked Zero, a little afraid of the answer.

A huge grin spread across Yuuki's face.

"Well..." she said, then shouted,

"I'm not really pregnant! April Fools!"

...

"Yuuki...."

END/Not-so-Silent Night


End file.
